'How to become everybody's favorite dance of the night...in 7 easy to follow steps.'

February 18, 2015 at 8:02am

It was my task and duty to teach a 'Sexy Moves' Workshop at the Chicago Congress this past weekend on Valentine's Day. Although the inspiration for this writing is a sexy moves workshop...the formula below works for any style of dancing, both sexy or not sexy at all. Because the formula is about reading your partner and pleasing them in what they like. I took the task of teaching and creating this workshop as not just me fulfilling my career occupation, but my vocation. I wanted to teach beyond the dance-floor, beyond just a few sexy moves...but to get into the philosophy of it...to enter the state of mind that allows this human connection/trust/openness to happen. So first we defined sexy...and really, I just quoted women that I have danced with that have expressed pleasure, and the want and need to do it again and again...and this was what I came up with. This formula works both with sexy dances and not sexy dances, with athletic fast songs or slow songs, with Salsa, Bachata, Kizomba, Zouk, Tango, with any partner dance and even with LIFE...life outside of the dance-floor...the formula to becoming everybody's favorite dance of the night.  Here it is:


"The Science of Irresistibility...on the Dance-Floor"

1) Communication is Sexy: The Red Light, Yellow Light, Green Light of life, on and off the dance floor. If we pay close attention we can allow each other to enter a sexy place separately and then reciprocate. "If he/she is not into a sexy dance...then move it right along...change the topic, have another conversation...there are lots of ways to dance and lots of ways to navigate the conversation." If you move in closer and they move back...that's a red light. But if you move in closer and they also move in closer...now that's a green light. I don't take 1 green light and run with it...there are traffic lights around every corner, so in a few seconds you will get another signal. Don't have any "traffic violations" pay close attention to the signals. Communication is a "2 way street". If you are in a partner dance and both parties are looking for the signals and respecting each others signals...you will be on BLISS street. Now that's a "road trip" worth taking.

2) Clarity is Sexy: For some people communication is like morse code and/or braille, they know it's saying something but they just can't read it. So, if you suffer from a communication disability whether on the receiving or giving end....then you must resort to simple words and mannerisms. Don't be afraid to use your words, when body language is not working. Softer, Gentler, Slower, Faster....easy to follow one word cues that will lead to more pleasure. There is nothing better than a partner who knows what they want and how they like it and who can communicate that. Guaranteed pleasure and indulgence for both. "If the follower tells me no dips, then I can already eliminate from my repertoire something that is a "turn off" for them. Thus, increasing their overall experience. So, even if I like dips...I don't like dipping a partner who doesn't like to be dipped. I don't like leading a partner into anything that causes them displeasure or discomfort. I dip to create pleasure, intimacy and connection to the music and my partner...not to annoy my partner and push them away and disconnect...emotionally/physically/personally....so I take the clear communication as the formula for pleasure."

3) Learning Your Partner's Language is Sexy: Learning Morse Code and Braille is Sexy. Sometimes we have to learn a new language to communicate with our partners. If you are having trouble communicating, trouble shoot and use other techniques, other ways. You are not just limited to Body language and words, other things can help. **OFF THE DANCE FLOOR: If my partner is doing something that I don't like...instead of me rejecting them by saying no...I might just guide them to another section of my body, that would be more appealing for me, to have caressed, kissed, bitten, etc. This technique works really well as there is no rejection or bad feeling, but rather a continuation of the beautiful exchange in another "geographical" location. **ON THE DANCE FLOOR: If your partner is doing something that feels uncomfortable, painful, creepy, let them know in your own language and in your own way...but make sure you let them know that you prefer something else. Example, when I'm dancing Bachata sometimes my partner extends to hold my hands. They are communicating that they prefer less physical contact and that they would prefer to dance with more space between us. I quickly adjust my dancing to please them. As I want to be their favorite dance of the night. Listening to people's cues and following their parameters will increase our irresistibility on the dance floor and off. I have partners who prefer sexy dances and some who prefer a more athletic dance. They communicate, I adjust, we both have a great time...and the end result is them wanting to dance with me again. Whereas if I just dance the way I feel like dancing without listening to their cues and their wants and their needs...then the value of the dance decreases tremendously for them. They will see it as less enjoyable and less appealing and less likely to want a repeat dance with me. 

4) Safety is Sexy: If we feel safe, then it allows us to be more open/vulnerable/and able to indulge. Creating a safe environment for our dance exchanges includes both emotional & physical safety. This will lead to a higher success rate of both parties increasing their pleasure and their participation. If your partner feels like you are protecting them then they surrender into the moment more. "This is something that both the leaders and followers should be doing throughout the whole dance...it is not only something that leaders can do, followers can participate in creating safety as well". I have had followers at some point in the middle of a dance, hold me tight and stop me from moving in a certain direction because another couple was coming into our dance space. That type of protection makes me feel a closer bond with that partner who is aware and looking out for the both of us...when something is happening behind me.

5) Consent is Sexy: "You can't force your partner into a sexy dance." When your partner feels that you care about their consent, when they feel that you want to please them in the way that they want to be pleased, when they feel that you are considering them...that's when they want to reciprocate. If you want selfless partners who please you selflessly...then you must be a selfless partner who pleases others selflessly. Which starts by getting consent.

6) Good Hygiene is Sexy: Before you even ask your partner for a dance, there are a few things you should take care of. These are the contents of my dance bag, because it is not just important to take care of hygiene before you leave your house...we should take care of our hygiene throughout the day and night, especially when we plan to indulge in 4 minute embraces with total strangers:  Deodorant, Cologne, Toothbrush, Toothpaste, Gel, Baby wipes, Mints, antibacterial hand cleanser, moisturizing hand lotion, a change of clothing....

7) Good Attitude is Sexy: People that are always complaining about things, other people, drama, etc....I try to stay away from, both on and off the dance floor. I want to dance with positive people, I want to also be active at spreading positivity. If and when I encounter negativity I automatically get into the zone. I am a Negative Energy Assassin. I am a Positive Energy Pollinator. Sometimes people need a PEP Talk...(Positive Energy Pollinating Talk). So, I am aware that I can help spread positivity by talking to them at times...I do encourage that we make some effort at shifting people. But, this particular post is about how to get more dances...and how to be everyone's favorite dance of the night. Be positive. If the person you are dancing with spends the whole dance saying negative things...who wants to dance with them. Instead of negativity, let us spread positivity. Try complimenting your partners on the dance floor. Try showing gratitude and appreciation to the moments and experiences we share together. And last but not least, be present in the moment. If there is music playing and we are dancing...we should be in BLISS. So, indulge, enjoy, have fun...and just by doing that...others will want to share in on that indulgence, enjoyment and fun...which will result in them wanting to dance with you more. Good attitude and energy is addictive and people want to surround themselves with it. When you spread it people will automatically want to be in your field of energy...feeding off the good vibes.

Juan Calderon